Steady Hands
by BlackHawkkk
Summary: Her hands never once shook. Not during the surgeries of her closest friends, not after Charlotte, not while burring Wells, not during wars, not even while killing Finn. Her hands have always been steady, until Bellamy changed that about her too. (Bellarke) R&R


_I do not own any characters from The 100. They are property of CW and I am not in any affiliation with them._

**_Hey everybody, so this story was just a random idea that popped into my head last night. I'm not sure whether or not I like it yet, so tell me if you would like for it to continue or not! I'm not used to writing something this dark, so it feels a tad bit strange. This first chapter only took me about 10-15 minutes to write, so if you would like more chapters, please review and I could add to the story fairly quickly! Thanks and enjoy! –Blackhawkkk_**

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><p><em>If I told you what I was<em>

_Would you turn your back on me?_

_And if I seem dangerous_

_Would you be scared?_

_I get the feeling just because_

_Everything I touch isn't dark enough_

_That this problem lies in me_

_(Monster by Imagine Dragons)_

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><p><strong>CLARKE <strong>

I can't take being around the 100 right now. They don't say anything about what happened, but I easily can see what they think of me through the looks I'm given. However with the exception of Raven, she doesn't even dare to look at me anymore. I know what goes through all their minds when I face the weary looks and the hesitation before they ask questions or approach me. They think maybe I've become like Finn was. Maybe I'm simply just too far gone now. Some would rather suffer from a broken arm then have to come to Clarke Griffin for help now. Probably afraid I'll just put them down, I can't help but think bitterly. Honestly I've been somewhat glad fewer of them come to me. I don't think I want to be around blood for a while. I've seen enough in the past month to last me a lifetime. Hopefully everything will heal with time and things will return to being as normal as possible, but time? I don't have that right now. So I venture outside the walls of the Camp, and no one even tries to stop me. When I look over my shoulder though, I do see Miller shift from his sentry position to move down the rungs of the ladder. Most likely to run off and tell Bellamy that I've left. Though if either one of them is smart, they won't try to find me. Hell some of the people in camp probably are hoping I won't come back at all. Just looking over my shoulder ever now and then I watch to see if anyone decides to follow me. And as I expected no one does. I need to stop doing that I think to myself, I need to stop looking back. So I don't. I walk straight ahead into the forest and just keep walking while I let my thoughts consume me. I walk past where Raven's ship landed all the way to where Jasper was speared. I remember everything about that day, which was back to a time when I was needed, when I could actually save people. That's getting increasing hard to do nowadays. I can't stay by that spot of the river for long because it just ends up reminding me of Finn, so I continue to quickly start to trek down the hill, where it forks off to the left, and run until it just tappers off into a stream. Eventually I can't anymore and I fall onto my knees panting hard now. I can't run anymore, both physically and mentally. I can't push what happened out of my mind, and there aren't any distractions out here in the open to keep me from thinking of it. Looking down at my hands I can't help but think one thing. They didn't shake. Not through the surgeries of my friends, not after Charlotte, not while burring Wells, not while killing Finn, not even now. My hands were steady. I never once faltered while killing him. I didn't feel a thing. This was like Atom; I keep trying to convince myself. This was a mercy kill. The Grounders would have killed Finn brutally. I try to cling to the hope and idea that I HELPED him by making his death quick. By the hands of someone he trusted. Choking back a sob I even venture to think that maybe even by the hands of someone he loved. Or maybe that was the worst way to go. Maybe what I did was the cruelest thing a person could have done. But I can't take it back now. I can't stop the nightmares every night in which I remember standing in that field surrounded by enemies, but only killing a friend. Maybe Finn was even more than a friend. But I'll never get to figure that out because he's gone. By my hands no less, and not only is HIS blood on my hands but also the innocent Grounders he shot. "I did all of this for you". Even though it's been almost been a month since he said it, I can still hear that broken voice like he's in front of me. I'm a monster. Who am I am decides who gets to live and who gets to die? I'm no better than the people on the Ark who floated my father. With my knees digging into the sandy bank, and tears freely falling on my hands now, I hear screaming. Quickly I realize it's my own as the_ Brave Princess _falls apart.

**BELLAMY **

Bellamy was nearly finished with the reconstruction on the south side of the wall with Jasper, Munroe, and a young boy named Evan when he faintly heard his name being called followed by a set rapid footsteps. Turning he saw Miller rounding the corner of a tent with a frantic look on his face. Bellamy's heart instantly stopped and thoughts of Octavia instantly flashed through his mind. Was she here? Was she alive? "Bellamy", Miller panted leaning over with his hands on his knees trying to breathe as he managed to gasp out one word, "Clarke". Bellamy's heart instantly stopped and he grabbed the front of Miller's shirt, jerking him upright. "Where is she", Bellamy growled. "She left a while ago out of the main gate, but Bellamy…we heard screaming", Miller stuttered with wide eyes. Bellamy released his hold on him immediately and stalked off to his tent. Miller trailed after him weaving around the remaining 100 who didn't move out of the way for him like they did Bellamy. By time Miller reached the oldest Blake's tent, the door flap fluttered open and Bellamy slipped out with his assault rifle slung over his shoulder and was in the process of sliding his large hunting knife into the sheath on his belt. He stalked off towards the camps entrance while calling over his shoulder, "Miller you and Jasper are in charge until I get back. Keep them working on the wall. Which way did she go?" Miller was at a loss for words and wasn't able to process the question quickly enough for their leaders liking and next thing he knew he was pinned to the guard tower by Bellamy's forearm to his throat. "Which. Way." Bellamy said darkly as he glared at the younger boy. Miller pointed towards the woods and was greeted with Bellamy's retreating form. As Bellamy reached the cover of the trees, he broke off into a sprint thinking only one thing, "Hold on Princess."

**Don't forget to Review! **

**-Blackhawkkk**


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